


How to Woo a Winchester

by misbegotten



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-29
Updated: 2010-03-29
Packaged: 2017-10-08 12:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/75651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misbegotten/pseuds/misbegotten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel asks Gabriel for some advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Woo a Winchester

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jena Bartley (jenab)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenab/gifts).



> For jenab, who is rockin'

All things considered, Gabriel probably wasn't the best person to ask for dating tips. Not that Castiel asked for dating tips per se, but his request for advice on his relationship with Dean gave Gabriel the perfect opportunity to tweak his little brother and the elder Winchester at the same time.

"Dean can't be that hard to figure out, bro," Gabriel drawled. He took a bite of his Snickers bar. "Just scratch behind his ears and rub his belly."

"I do not think that Dean would appreciate you comparing him to a puppy," Castiel said gravely. It was true. It was also true that Castiel had the market on puppy dog eyes, and not even Gabriel could resist.

"Fine," he huffed. "Stand back while I lay down some knowledge."

*

_Take an interest in their mundane human lives._

"So what'cha doing, Samsquatch?" Gabriel propped his feet on the bed and steepled his fingers behind his head. Sam, who was researching at the tiny motel table, glanced up.

"Um. Research." He bent back over his laptop.

"Research. Right. And how are you feeling?"

Sam shot an alarmed look at Gabriel. "Why? What did you do to me?"

Gabriel raised his hands. "Nothing. Not a thing. I just wondered if you were feeling okay."

Sam turned back to his keyboard and typed furiously. "Feeling just fine, thanks."

There was a long pause, in which Sam watched Gabriel out of the corner of his eye and Gabriel fiddled with a loose string on the bedspread.

"I guess I'm a little hungry," Sam said eventually.

Gabriel beamed.

*

_Give them gifts to show you care._

"What the fuck is this?" Sam demanded, staring at the pale blue shape that had appeared on the inside of his wrist.

"It's like a homing beacon," Gabriel explained patiently. "I can't get past the symbols Castiel inscribed on your bones, but I'll be able to find you with this."

"Gee, thanks," Sam said. To Gabriel's ears it sounded sarcastic, but he was no doubt mistaken. "And what gives you the right to just mark my body?"

Gabriel's face fell. "Do you want me to take it back?"

Sam held up his arm, as if Gabriel was going to snatch the mark back immediately. "I didn't say that. It's just… you can't just _mark_ someone without asking."

Gabriel huffed. "Fine," he said. "I'll make a note of it."

Obviously the full-body tattoo of Enochian symbols in the shape of angel's wings was going to have to wait.

*

_Take them interesting places._

"Of all the places you could have zapped us, you chose Epcot?"

Gabriel adjusted his Mickey Mouse ears. "Epcot is a highly underrated park on the Walt Disney World campus. Mission Space alone makes it worth the admission."

Sam, who was eating a crepe from a cart in the French section, looked vaguely ill at the thought of doing Mission Space on a full stomach. "Let's walk over to Britain and listen to the fake Beatles."

*

_Kill things for them. Winchesters love that._

"You killed a _kraken_?" Sam prodded the tentacle Gabriel had hefted over his shoulder.

"Big sucker too," Gabriel said smugly. "That's what was causing the rising tides on the West Coast, actually. I saved lots of people by taking out this baby. Lots of families, and homes, and fluffy animals."

"That's... great," Sam sighed. "Could you get it out of here? It's dripping on my bed."

*

 

_If all fails, talk about their feelings._

"So, Sammy, how are you feeling?" Gabriel kicked his feet up onto the table next to Sam's laptop.

"Haven't we done this already?" Sam muttered, pushing Gabriel's feet back to the floor.

"No really," Gabriel pressed. "How do you feel?"

Sam closed his laptop firmly and leaned over the table. "I'm fine. I'm doing research. I'm not hungry. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't need any presents. And I definitely don't need you dragging dead monsters back here like some deranged house pet."

Gabriel looked disappointed. "Then what do you need?"

Sam reached out and yanked Gabriel across the table, plundering his mouth.

"Oh," Gabriel said. "That's right. I forgot the point of all this."

Sam just shook his head. "I don't even want to know," he said, eyes heavenward.

*

"Castiel, forget everything I said." Gabriel looked rumpled and sated. "I don't even want to _think_ about you doing anything more than holding hands with Dean.

Castiel sighed. "I simply wanted your advice on how to explain to Dean without hurting his feelings that I don't want to eat any more junk food."

"Ah." Gabriel rubbed a hand over his face. "Listen, can we talk later? I promised Sam I'd be right back."

_Always leave them wanting more._


End file.
